Sunday, March 27, 2016

It can be fixed

"But, it can be fixed."

I repeated that to myself yesterday a couple times as I stared down at my ring, now missing its diamond. When it lost its diamond? I'm not sure. I've worn my wedding ring so long its become a part of me. One that, though I don't look and admire every day, is a part of my heart that rests on my finger.

As the gaping hole that held the diamond glares at me, mocking me, the tears well.

"Don't be a baby, Amber. We'll replace the diamond and it'll be fine."

It doesn't work. It's so silly. I've never been a girl of jewelry or, well, girlie things. The ring is the only jewelry I wear 95% of the time. (98% if I'm being honest.)

But this is more than jewelry. This symbolizes a history and a life my husband and I created for us and our children.

You see, my husband and I married when we were dirt poor. The older two were about the age the younger two are now. We were two young parents struggling in the world, barely making the rent and groceries, let alone getting married.

Due to finances, and my aversion to bulky jewelry, a friend of ours took us to the city with her jewelers license to a 3-story building that held wholesalers. 4 hours. Yup, 4 hours for us to dig through the building and find a ring that fit my style and our pocket book.

And man did it. A simple Cupid's arrow wrapping around the finger with one small diamond for the arrow head and a tiny diamond for the arrow point.

I've worn this ring while we continued to build a better life for our two older children, and when we stabilized we had two more and continued striving every day to sustain our happiness and celebrate the love of family under our roof.

So, realizing that, I let myself have a good cry. Then, I assured myself the ring will still mean the same thing with a brand new diamond and continued my preparations for the younger boys and I's trip to the movies today.

Life really is about the ups and downs and I have to understand that symbols aren't the core of the emotion, but what they represent must go beyond that symbol or it's not sustainable.

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